The Guardian with Kevin Costner and Ashton Kutcher

John Wayne Meet Kevin Costner

About 130 minutes into The Guardian I realized that I was watching a brand new John Wayne movie showing right now at the Dollar Theater. Oh, the Duke’s been dead since 1979 and his last movie was The Shootist in 1976 (which co-starred director Ron Howard). But make no mistake, The Guardian is a John Wayne movie.

It’s about a handful of the 200 or so Coast Guard ‘rescue swimmers’ who do the most heroic darn thing I can conjure up. They go out in the worst weather imaginable, jump out of helicopters and pull people out of the roiling ocean or off pitching boats. Exactly the kind of larger-than-life people that John Wayne used to profile in his movies.

Starring in the John Wayne role is Kevin Costner. Costner plays Ben Randall, an aging and legendary rescue swimmer with hundreds of saves to his credit. His home base is on Alaska’s Kodiak Island in the forbidding Bering Sea. Costner’s marriage to Helen (Sela Ward) is on the rocks because his all-encompassing job rescuing people is drowning their marriage.

After a horrific rescue attempt that claims the lives of two of his fellow crewman, Ben’s commanding officer (Clancy Brown), gives him a choice; retire or recharge as the chief instructor at A-school, where new rescue swimmers are trained. Reluctantly Ben agrees.

A-school is brutal. There’s a 50 percent attrition rate. And the men and women who want to be rescue swimmers are a curious mixture of confidence and humility. Both are present in would-be rescue swimmer Jake Fischer (Ashton Kutcher), although we don’t see the humility until well into the movie.

The movie runs 136 minutes which director Andrew Davis (Holes, The Fugitive) isn’t able to sustain. As John Wayne knew, this kind of move should be about 120 minutes or less. Davis got some help from his editors, and their trims are noticeable, but it wasn’t enough. There are really only four rescues in the movie. The rest is training sequences and the humbling of Jake. A lot of that could have been shortened.

A little Kevin Costner goes a long way for me. Like John Wayne, Costner mostly plays himself in movies. And when he doesn’t, you get Robinhood: Prince of Thieves. Whether or not you like him more than I do, it’s his movie and he’s in darn near every scene. As for Kutcher, he’ll be Costner’s age before I quit thinking of him as a ‘dude.’

There’s some salty language in the movie and a lot of pillow talk and casual sex between Jake and his girlfriend Emily Thomas (Melissa Sagemiller). Needless to say, there’s images of dead bodies floating in the water, too.

The Guardian is another example of why we go to the Dollar Movies. It’s hardly perfect, but for a dollar or so, there’s plenty of entertainment for your money and your time.

The Guardian is rated PG-13 “for intense sequences of action/peril, brief strong language and some sensuality.”

DMR grades The Guardian a B.

The Dollar Movie Review Grading System: The Dollar Movie Review grades on a curve. Movies that make choices to be course or vulgar are downgraded a full to a half grade or more. Likewise, movies that don’t gross out or offend too much can be upgraded as ‘a thanks for trying’ attaboy. The Guardian was downgraded. I would have given it an B+ except that the language and the sensuality are too strong for young children.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

Your Dollar Will Stretch ‘till it Screams in Delight
DMR Gives Dead Man’s Chest an A

Sometime during a fantastic three-way sword duel (a ‘triuel’?) it became clear that Dead Man’s Chest is more than a mere billion-dollar blockbuster, it’s a ripsnorter of a swashbuckler. A breathless rock’em sock’em three-hour thrill ride.

I don’t remember ever seeing a ‘triuel,’ but it isn’t the novelty that makes that scene (and others) so memorable. Instead the triuel moves in and out of the foreground pulsing with energy and finding new ways and places for the three to clash swords while spilling out laughs all along the way.

Dead Man’s Chest is much better than the first POTC, but also less satisfying. After all, the movie has to get us from POTC 1 to POTC 3. So you can count on a cliffhanger just as you’re wondering how it can possibly be resolved. Unlike POTC 1 there’s a real… if twisty… plot in Dead Man’s Chest and the stunts and laughs don’t all rely on Johnny Depp’s considerable appeal this time around.

The story brings back all the familiar characters: Capt. Jack Sparrow (Depp) Will Turner (Orlando Bloom), Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley), Norrington (Jack Davenport), Governor Weatherby Swann (Jonathon Pryce), and Ragetti (Mackenzie Crook).

The movie opens with Elizabeth being stood up at the altar. Her affianced, Will, has been arrested by Lord Cutler Beckett (Tom Hollander), a new character with no apparent scruples. The arrest turns out to be a matter of leverage. The real object is Capt. Jack, or rather the compass around Jack’s neck.

Meanwhile, Capt Jack is dealing with troubles of an otherworldly nature. Bootstrap Bill… Will’s un-dead father (Stellan Skarsgard)… delivers a startling message to Capt. Jack from the no-less-un-dead Davey Jones; pay up or join the crew of Jones’s ship, the Flying Dutchman. It seems Capt. Jack had made a devil’s bargain with Davey Jones (Bill Nighy) 10 years before to raise the Pearl. As Bill leaves, a sore appears on Jack’s hand. A walking death is stalking the wily Capt. Jack and even he might not be able to wangle his way free.

Davy Jones and all his unfortunate minions are gruesome characters, part sea creatures, part human, and no longer subject to the constraints of mortality. Jones has a beard of sea anemones that along with the rest of his face was entirely computer generated. Such creations can be rather soulless, but between the animators and Nighy’s performance, Davey Jones seems as real as a dead man with sea anemones growing on his face could be.

Is it worth your dollar? I would have paid full price to see POTC: Dead Man’s Chest.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest is rated PG-13 for “intense sequences of adventure violence, including frightening images.”

DMR grades Dead Man’s Chest an A.

The Dollar Movie Review Grading System: The Dollar Movie Review grades on a curve. Movies that make choices to be course or vulgar are downgraded a full to a half grade or more. Likewise, movies that don’t gross out or offend too much can be upgraded as ‘a thanks for trying’ attaboy. Dead Man’s Chest was downgraded. I would have given it an A+ except that it is too violent and too intense for young children. So don’t bring them. The crew of the Flying Dutchman may also be too ghastly for children and others. My wife is convinced her parents would find it so.

Monster House

Not Quite Scary Enough to be Really Therapeutic

DMR Gives Monster House a B

My Scoutmaster growing up had a little bit of Ol’ Nick in him and he liked to scare us. He was a cop and we made an annual field trip to the municipal jail. That put the fear of God into us! I remember a camping trip to an honest-to-Pete ghost town when he told us murder stories before forcing us to… one by one… touch the Victorian-era iron fence that surrounded the tiny weed-choked graveyard.

Ah, there’s something so therapeutic about a good scare when you’re 12.

I was hoping for something like that from Monster House. I anticipated a nice taut preteen scarefest from Steven Spielberg and Robert Zemeckis, the film’s executive producers. Instead I got something a little more slack from Jason Clark and Ryan Kavanaugh, who also shared executive producer’s credits.

The story takes place on Halloween and the day before. It opens when crazy Old Man Nebbercracker (Steve Buscemi) falls dead (apparently) onto D.J. (Mitchel Musso) after coming unhinged in a fit of anger. D.J, who lives across the street, has allowed an object to trespass on Nebbercracker’s lawn and Nebbercracker really lets him have it. D.J., who had long watched the suspicious goings-on across the street, confesses to his best friend Chowder (Sam Lerner) and the sophisticated love interest Jenny (Spencer Locke) that he’s killed the old man.

Kids in the neighborhood always knew about Nebbercracker and his home. No trike, no kite, no ball is safe anytime it gets near the sidewalk or the trees of the Nebbercracker home, Old Man Nebbercracker would see to that. More strangely still, even the grass seems to suck down mislaid objects.

The day before Halloween, D.J.’s parents (Fred Willard and Catherine O’Hara) head for a dental convention leaving Zee (Maggie Gyllenhaal), an irresponsible babysitter in charge. With Old Man Nebbercracker apparently dead, the house seems to be coming viciously alive, just in time for trick or treaters.

Monster House makes use of the motion-capture technique used to such great effect in 2004's The Polar Express, which was directed by Zemeckis. Motion-capture involves actors putting on suits studded with sensors that digitize their movements, including even facial expressions. The intent is to give movement a more human-like look and to simplify the animation process.

But oddly it’s the ‘human interactions’ in the movie that are sometimes less than compelling. There’s a strangely stilted scene between D.J. and Chowder playing basketball early in the movie. Twelve’s an awkward age, but not that awkward.

That’s not the fault of the technology, of course, but of the writers. That scene is balanced by one in which D.J. and Chowder, competitive for Jenny’s attention, dash into the house to save her. Man if I had a nickel for every time I dreamed of saving a girl when I was 12!

Monster House is rated PG for “scary images and sequences, thematic elements, some crude humor and brief language.”

DMR grades Monster House a B.

The Dollar Movie Review Grading System: The Dollar Movie Review grades on a curve. Movies that make choices to be course or vulgar are downgraded a full to a half grade or more. Likewise, movies that don’t gross out or offend too much can be upgraded as ‘a thanks for trying’ attaboy. Monster House was graded straight up.

Worth Watching Press Release

Hey gang:

Here's my first press release for the blog. Let me know what you think.

Warm regards,
Paul


DollarMovieReview.net Launches With Backlog of Dollar Movie Reviews

Cheeky, valuable, interesting, and loaded with links to dollar and first-run theatres and other critics, DollarMovieReview.net is a reliable guide to what’s really worth watching at the nation’s dollar theatres.

SALT LAKE CITY---DollarMovieReview.net… the first website devoted to reviewing movies showing at the nation’s dollar theatres… is now live with a backlog of movie reviews including Talladega Nights, Invincible and How to Eat Fried Worms.

“Dollar Movies reward the patient with a big screen experience for a fraction of what they cost only a few weeks before,” says Paul Jones, the Dollar Movie Reviewer.

Reviews at DollarMovieReview.net are quick-reading, with an easy-to-understand letter grade. DollarMovieReview.net includes links to the nation’s main Dollar Movie chains, along with the major first-run chains. There are also links to other reviewers including Movie Mom, Rotten Tomatoes, and Roger Ebert.

“All these movies have been reviewed before, of course,” says Paul Jones, the Dollar Movie Reviewer. “But DollarMovieReview.net brings a fresh voice, a blogger’s sensibility… and because Dollar Movies are particularly popular with children and families… a family-friendly eye.”

Just because these movies have a second life, doesn’t mean they’re worth watching. “Cheap doesn’t necessarily mean good,” Jones says. “The highest praise you can give a dollar movie is that you’d come again, because your time is more valuable than the dollar. The most disparaging thing you can do at a Dollar Movie is to walk out on a movie. You’re saying it’s not worth your dollar, and worse, it’s not worth your time.”

DollarMovieReview.net’s review criteria is entirely subjective, but there are some hallmarks. “I love movies,” says Jones. “And like any critic I look for movies with artistic merit. But I’m also a father of young children. So I grade these movies on a curve. Elements in movies like sex, violence, profanity and the like (all things that, frankly, didn’t bother me as much when I was still single) don’t fare as well in my reviews. Moreover, kid-friendly movies will get the benefit of a doubt in my reviews; a kind of ‘thanks for trying’ attaboy.”

DollarMovieReview.net believes that it’s possible to make movies that are engaging and entertaining without being course or debasing. “Pixar has done it with every release,” Jones says. “I see part of my job as to encourage better movies.”

“I once heard Gerald Molen talk about his experiences as a Hollywood producer,” says Jones, “and he mentioned that the only R-rated movie he'd produced was Schindler's List (for which he won the Best Picture Academy Award in 1994). Someone piped up and said, what about Rain Man? He said, when he started the movie, it was a PG or PG-13 movie, not an R movie. The director, Barry Levinson, had made choices during the course of the production that turned it into an R movie.”

“I believe Hollywood is capable of producing splendid movies,” says Jones. “But too often the first sensibility of modern Hollywood screenwriters, directors, producers and actors is to make movies that cheapen and degrade. When filmmakers make those kind of choices, DollarMovieReview.net will say so.’

###

Everyone's Hero

A Swing and a (Near) Miss
DMR Grades Everyone's Hero a B

For about 12 years I worked for two different media-savvy children's charities. During that time I spent more than a few hours brainstorming ideas for bringing to the world an animated children’s movie or TV series that would feature those charities. It never worked out. We had some interesting ideas, especially when it came to the charity tie-ins and promotions. Our problem was the stories that came out of development just weren’t up to snuff. We were forcing it. Our second problem was that we didn’t have a force of nature like Christopher Reeve driving it.

Everyone’s Hero, directed by Reeve, was his last project before his unfortunate and untimely death. As a movie, Everyone’s Hero has some of the same earmarks of the stuff I was involved in. It’s a tad on the precious side and the story tries too hard. It’s a nice movie, but not a great one.

That said, my 4-year-old loved it. She laughed, she was sad, and she was triumphant, all at the right moments. This is a G movie intended, and best suited, for younger kids.

Everyone’s Hero is about a 10-year-old boy named Yankee Irving (Jake T. Austin) who lives in the Bronx and is a huge Yankees fan. It’s the Fall Classic and the Yanks are facing the Cubs in the 1932 World Series. The Yankees are led by Babe Ruth (Brian Dennehy) who has a favorite bat named Darlin’ (Whoopi Goldberg).

The owner of the Cubs determines that the difference maker is Darlin’ and he orders his conniving pitcher Lefty Maginnis (William H. Macy) to steal the bat. Yankee’s father Stanley (Mandy Patinkin), who works for the Yankees, is accused of the theft and is fired by the manager (Joe Torre). But with the help of a talking baseball named Screwie (Rob Reiner), Yankee figures out that it was Lefty who stole Darlin’ and proceeds to Penn Station to track Darlin’ down so his dad can get his job back.

Yankee does just that, but how to get it to the Babe who's now in Chicago for the rest of the Series?

Like I said, Everyone's Hero tries too hard. There’s a scene with good-hearted hoboes, for instance, that really doesn’t advance the movie. And another one with the family of Negro Baseball League player Lonnie Brewster (Forest Whitaker), that seemed forced. Another scene that features Brewster’s team The Cincinnati Tigers and a lesson for Yankee on how to hit a ball, is much more fun.

Everyone’s Hero is rated G for all audiences.

DMR rates it a B.

The Dollar Movie Review Grading System: The Dollar Movie Review grades on a curve. Movies that make choices to be course or vulgar are downgraded a full to a half grade or more. Likewise, movies that don’t gross out or offend too much can be upgraded as ‘a thanks for trying’ attaboy. Everyone’s Hero got that upgrade. Without the upgrade, I would have given it a C+.